Things You Will Find in Literally Every Single church of Christ

The c is intentionally lower case.

I grew up in the churches of Christ. I have visited many. And though I’m sure there MUST be exceptions, here are some things that I’ve pretty much universally found in many of them. I list these with genuine affection, and perhaps a touch of humor, but it is love-tinged humor.

1. Fake plants and flowers

It’s a fact of nature. Fake trees and/or bushes, and various silk flower arrangements are bound to end up inside the church building as decoration. My guess is that it started as a reflection of Southern US tradition, where the church started. Prove me wrong!

2. A wooden sign with numbers to announce hymns on

Again, please prove me wrong.

3. A podium from which to be preached, and from which singing is led

Not unique to the churches of Christ, but still pretty much a given, along with pews or chairs. This is also the location from which a man will conduct to lead “singing”- by saying something like this: “Number 728b. Seven, two, eight, B” followed by the sound of pages turning. A note will be sung, sometimes, or otherwise he’ll jump right in. And there will be harmonies, usually 4-part. The tempo may be constant, but typically slows. Sometimes painfully. It’s just human nature when you don’t have a metronome!

4. A welcome card in the pew

This is a place for you to write your contact information on, as well as indicate if you’d like a member to contact you, or if you’d like to be baptized (that last question is the most exciting one). You can place it in the offering tray, which will typically be passed around directly following communion

5. A table for communion, likely decorated with a tablecloth and something lacey

For the communion that is taken every time the church meets, typically. With round containers on it with tiny little plastic cups for the grape juice and unleavened crackers (usually).

6. Pamphlets

Arranged on a table, usually near the entrance. There is certain to be one on how to become a Christian. Possibly others about overcoming addictions, etc. Possible updates from various international missions the church is supporting.

7. Potlucks

There are typically monthly potlucks. Typical foods will be varying types of casseroles, chili or stew, maaaybe a vegetable platter. Fruit punch or lemonade. Unlikely to find: trendy organic yuppy salads.

8. Ladies’ Days

Usually once a year, there is a “Ladies’ Day.” This is the one time during the year that women get to teach, typically. Women teach other women. Sometimes women from neighboring churches of Christ will get together at these.

9. Mens’ Breakfasts

Similar to the Ladies’ Day, this is a time for men to get together and be men. I’ve never been to one. I’m sure that much manliness has abounded each time.

10. Sunday School room

There is usually a room for Sunday School. Also commonly seen: felt boards.

11. A baptistry

Usually behind the podium, possibly behind a red velvet curtain, with a large painting behind it of a nature scene.

12. Hymnals

On every. Single. Pew.

13. The Bible

Probably the NIV.

14. The invitation song.

At the end, during which you can come forward if you want to get baptized. And if you do, it will be right then! That day.

15. People who genuinely, earnestly love you and want you to be saved.

Yep.

What won’t you find? (I’ll start: Instruments. The Message Bibles. A choir. Solos. Laying on of hands. Speaking in tongues. A church constitution or doctrinal statement…)

Have you visited a church of Christ? How many of these were there? Anything else you can think of?

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