I want to do something kind of uncomfortable, which is to specifically name which Bible verses, due to their application in my life, led to harm for me. It’s not something I’m done unpacking or processing. I don’t have “final thoughts.” I don’t have conclusions, necessarily. But I feel that it’s been important for me, as I’ve sought to heal from church trauma and growing up in a cult-like “non-denominational” denomination (church of Christ), to specifically see where certain ideas and beliefs I have came from.
In some cases, it may be that they came from the Bible itself, as it was intended to be interpreted by its writers. In some cases, it may be that they came from the way teachers in my life influenced me to interpret them. In some cases, it maybe that they came from the way I personally chose to take a specific Bible verse.
Some people set out to bash the Bible, and I want to be clear that that is not my intention. My intention is simply to trace the line between specific Bible verses, understandings/ beliefs I drew from them, whether reflecting the original intent of those verses or not– and to describe the way that this, then, led to negative effects in my life that I have been working diligently for years (along with my therapists… haha) to unpack and heal.
My hope is that others, in their healing journeys, if they see similarities between themselves and me, may be able to point their finger at specific sources for certain thoughts that they may resonate with.
Last thought
Some people, when they “deconstruct,” (or, reanalyze their faith), end up leaving it altogether. Sometimes that’s due to their assumption that either all parts of something must be true, perfect, and trustworthy as they currently understand them, for any part of it to be true, perfect, and trustworthy. Or for any part of it to be worth listening to.
One of the problems I’ve seen in my own life is the logical fallacy of “black and white thinking”- to think that things are all good, or all bad. All right, or all wrong.
People who are re-analyzing their faith sometimes implement black and white thinking during that analysis- that if any part of what they once believed might be wrong, that all of it must therefore be thrown out. I want to caution anyone prone to this to be careful not to oversimplify their reasons for belief, and to grow beyond “the Bible is perfect as I currently understand it, that’s why I believe everything.” To hold space for things not falling as neatly into boxes.
I’m still going through that process, myself. It has been tempting, at times, for me to completely walk away from Christianity- but, at least today, it is physically impossible for me to walk away from Jesus. Maybe that’s just fear or stubbornness, maybe it’s because I’m so scared of the consequences of not doing that. The threat of Hell got ingrained very solidly in me.
But if I’m honest, the threat of Hell is not the reason I still believe in Jesus. It’s because of miracles- if they didn’t happen, I see no reason for his large following to have occurred-, non-religious historic accounts that corroborate accounts of Jesus’ life and the following he had, and the fact that (quite historically objectively) he was seen as such a threat to the Roman Empire that he was executed.
If he was just a good man, but didn’t actually perform miracles, then it doesn’t make sense to me that he would have gained the following that he did, and would have been seen as such a threat as to have been executed for fear of his power over people. I’m human, I could be wrong, but today, I’m unable to escape these things. Additionally, his message rings true in my heart, logically- that the ways humanity has tried over and over again to come to God have needed someone to save us from. That love is the way. I have a more complex view of “sin” than most traditional Christian teachings do today; maybe I’ll get into it at some point- but I see Jesus as wanting to save people from the ongoing battle of self-perfecting, and self-sacrificing, and self-flaggelation. That he came to save people from their battle against sin– their ongoing quest for cleanliness.
Saving us from the consequences of sin- “paying the price for our sin”- and saving us from the fight against it- are two sides of the same coin- some might say “chicken and egg”, but the words we use and the thoughts we shelter have ASTRONOMICAL implications for the psychology of faith we end up having. Astronomical. And I think that the writers of the Bible focused on the first side of that coin, which has led to only an increase in self-flagellation, not a decrease.
Many Christian teachers today have only perpetuated encouraging church members in self-flagellation in their pursuit of holiness: constant self-reflection and metacognition, constant analysis of every thought and behavior, putting ourselves through a seive, never arriving at a place where we feel we’re good enough, creating ongoing feelings of guilt and self-hatred that are only temporarily relieved before the cycle continues and the next verse of “Oceans” starts.
We have increased the battle, in my opinion, that Jesus came to save us from, with no change (really) in any of the behaviors under the category of “sin.” And I think that the reasons for that are complex, but includes seeing the Bible as God’s infallible and perfect word to be taken at face value as one initially reads it, following Paul verbatim, and not allowing ourselves to benefit from advances in psychology in regards to our relationships with ourselves and with each other.
Defining what sin is, has astronomical implications for our psychology, too.
Anyway. Sometimes I consider trying to just… not believe anything, and I can’t. I don’t know if I’ll always land where I do now. When I started this blog, I still believed that Paul’s letters were God’s word. I have a much different relationship with those letters today than I used to. I haven’t settled sufficiently to put it into sentence form, but I don’t feel comfortable re-stating what I used to.
Anyway I’m trying to say that for someone who has faith, I hope that nothing I write will shake you, but might perhaps give you opportunity to be strengthened in critical thinking. For preachers who might read what I write, please let it serve as a warning for some of the harms that can come from certain verses.
And I know some land at an agnostic or other similarly non-religious place. I might end up there. I’m not now. But I have respect for people who have landed /land there, or anywhere else.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that my objective is to share my personal experience, that what I say is not intended to be read as prescriptive, and that I hope that everyone who reads what I say only leaves feeling a greater sense of empowerment, not the opposite.
For me, seeing roots in my religion of destructive thought patterns has been essential for healing, and I hope that for others with similar backgrounds, it might be helpful.
With respect,
Posts in this series:
- how the ways that Genesis 1-4 (and related verses) were applied in my life harmed me
- Bible verses that I’ve applied in ways that caused me to distrust my own judgment and ability to make good decisions
- Bible verses >> anxiety
- Bible verses >> poor boundaries
- the harm of being taught to wait
- life decisions (the harm of being taught to wait)
