Catharine If you’re looking at the new year, looking at the world, and at life
and, like so many of us, have reached the bottom knot of your rope
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If you can’t believe what the church has become
and it makes you almost physically sick to contemplate
the vast deception, misleading, lies
even from the people entrusted with the guarding of sheep
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If you’re alone
distanced
rejected
or you’ve had to distance yourself for the sake of
protection
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Disillusioned
Bereft
Confused
Exhausted
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There’s a fountain that is flowing for you
and it reaches you passively
wherever you sit
in your livingroom on your own
attempting to worship with a screen and screaming kids or
amid maskless singers on a pew
it reaches you when you can’t reach back because it hurts too much to try to reach
it reaches you when you can’t even bear the pain of opening the Bible because of how sharply you’ve been burned
and the PTSD is too much
it reaches you when your eyes are tightly shut
at the bottom of the pit of depression
it flows down the walls
washes your feet
◦
The grace of Christ reaches you
even if the words don’t make you feel the way they once did
and your faith feels numb
◦
You’re not alone
He is with you in the darkness
His light will lead you home
I’ve been following on Twitter as well. Your story is a conversation my wife and I have been having for the past few years. I was once in evangelical church leadership and am just so disappointed with where the church as we have known it has ended up. The past couple years have shown us that the people we have always understood, or at least were told where the most compassionate, loving, understanding, forgiving and Christ-like, have been everything but. My youngest child said, “is it me, or has the number of reasonable people seemed to shrink in the past couple years?”
To a couple of your points. I actually have a little bit of guilt over the things we allowed the people in the church(es) we were a part of to teach our kids. Thankfully, our oldest kids started having a wider view of the world and people while still in their teens and as a family we grew and learned together, and our younger kids have benefited from that, so I totally understand your concern about the previews you are getting of the available options. In our area I’m well acquainted with all the evangelical options and would not be able to choose a single one because I know we would experience exactly what you are sharing. For the moment we have found an episcopal church, and have been ‘attending’ online. I should also say that I have moved to place of wanting to be involved in any kind of church even less than my wife, who I think is still trying to find redemption for the institution as a whole. But the reality that any system of power eventually ends up corrupt in the hands of those who want to keep that power, and in the church all too often it is in the hands of what I like to refer to as Old White Guys–I just find not very much that actually resembles what being a follower of who Christ was/is and what he taught.
I hope you find a place to land that works for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing that, Paul. I’m glad you’ve found an online church that has been a source of connection for your family. It is disheartening to see what so much of the church has become. I have hope that good change is coming. Thank you for the well wishes. I hope you find what your hearts seek, as a family.