A whole lot has happened since I last wrote! A whole lot of it includes things I can’t put on a blog. But I want to talk about the things that I can put here.
I have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS), which finally provided an explanation for allergic reactions I have gotten over the past 5 years or so that don’t have a clear allergen responsible for them. Basically, MCAS is an immune system disorder that causes allergic reactions (equal or similar in symptoms to those caused by allergies) to non-allergens. For example, sometimes friction causes my skin to itch, or I break out in hives when I’m stressed. It has significantly impacted my ability to eat foods, as a number of foods can sometimes be triggers for me now.
I also now have a clear idea of latex allergy being something I’m dealing with- I’m airborne allergic, meaning I can react to small airborne particles of latex that come from balloons, from latex gloves, from a rubber band… anything made with natural rubber latex, but especially stretchy things.
I had a hard time breathing when the roads next to us had work done on them, because in California, asphalt is made with ground up tires in it, which contains natural rubber latex. This lasted for months, and eventually led us to move somewhere else where I could breathe easier.
It’s been quite a road! Quite, quite a road.
I’ve experienced a lot of really awful things that are not health related. I’ve gone through things I never could have imagined. I’m attempting to process them, and attempting to move forward in a positive way, in life.
On Twitter, (yes! it is “Twitter'”), I’ve found a community of people who are just incredible. I’ve found myself becoming more comfortable with myself, and more authentic. I’ve experimented with swearing. It’s wonderful! It’s like a whole new palette of words.
I honestly don’t know if I should consider myself an official “Christian” or not anymore, because I don’t know that the things people think of when that word is said apply to me anymore. I don’t know. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. I know that I’m very uncomfortable with the association right now, because it seems to be associated with things I’ve moved away from. I still believe that Jesus is God’s son, and I still look to him as the way. I don’t know what label to give myself. I suppose I don’t need to have a label. I want to be open about that, though, because I started this blog as a definite-Christian, quoting Bible verses, etc, and I’m not comfortable with so much of what I used to do and who I used to be, anymore. So please don’t hold me to any expectations or assume I’ll be holding up any worldview or beliefs in particular.
I think “deconstruction” likely applies to me as a descriptor for what I’ve experienced, and am still experiencing.
I’m in therapy. I love therapy. Therapy is amazing! If you aren’t in therapy, please consider starting therapy. I think everyone should be in therapy. I’m not joking about that. Literally everyone. We all need a sounding board who will be non-judgmental. And the more we can all be a person *like* that to our friends.. the better.
My kids have gotten bigger, and I treasure every moment with them. I love being a mom. It’s the most important part of my life. My kids are like rays of sunlight to me. It’s my hope that all I reflect back to them is how very much they are loved and treasured.
I’m often looking for ways to reach out to other people and.. have fun? Twitter has been a place for a lot of that.
I think I’ll end this blog post for now.
Sending you love.
