reflecting on various topics
Do you ever feel like the pain of being alive is just too much? I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I think it’s hormones. Sometimes I think it’s empathy. Sometimes I wonder if it’s fibromyalgia (joke, but also I do have it so it can be honestly hard to know.. *laugh-cry*). Seriously though. I don’t know what it is. Like, right now. I’m sitting here. I feel this ache across my cheeks. It goes down both arms, and into my fingers. It feels like my skin is crying. Is …
This might seem a bit weird but. I’m going to list these. By sense and ability. k. Do you have the ability to smell? Then here are some things to live for: the smell of bacon cooking in the morning the smell of a huge white blooming rose the smell of the ocean, salty and bright the smell of freshly washed laundry the smell of your favorite food cooking. What is your favorite cooked food? That smell. the smell of smoke from a campfire the smell of barbecue Do you …
Well. I published that last post. *stares into the mirror of my psyche* It is so uncomfortable to say quiet thoughts out loud about the things I cannot know. It is so uncomfortable!!! I’m exploring why this is. It brings up a lot of grief to consider .. just the possibility that there might not be anything more to life than this. Even just thinking the thought, almost physically hurts. I want to say.. “no! I know the future. I know there will be Heaven. I have faith .. yada …
Hi. There have been so many things on my mind lately. One of them is that we’re living right now. Along with that idea, is the fact that all friendships are friendships, whether they are with people you met in person or online. Another idea that I’ve been thinking about is the fact that most of us, if we have the opportunity to look back on our lives at some point (not a given), will simply want more time with other people. At least, that’s what I imagine wanting. I …
Today is a Tuesday. The picture is from a walk last night. This moment in time: sitting on the couch, wearing my favorite purple sweater, with my cat Atticus lying near me on the ground, floofy back towards me, floofy white inside his ears just *so.* I hear a bird outside cawing. The sun is kind of pointing downward at the trees, not straight down but.. like the 6 o’clock long hand on a clock. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about life in general. Someone I dated for a …
I remember learning in Educational Psychology that the more options one has, the more stressful a decision is. It’s no wonder that “what do you want to do with your life?” “what color should we paint the livingroom?” and “out of all the people on the entire internet on dating websites, who can you see yourself building a life with?” can be somewhat stressful questions. Anyway I remember learning that. I’ve seen it utilized within marketing, where companies will intentionally limit your options, to give you a sense of peace …
Since I was raised in conservative, somewhat legalistic religion, I was trained to have some particular thought patterns- to “take every thought captive” (2 Cor 10:5). To not lust. To *make my thoughts* be … something. Metacognition is thinking about thinking. It’s like one of those mirrors reflecting back another mirror. For anyone with a desire to do good, a desire to be thorough, and the threat of hell creating quite reasonable anxiety, this created an objectively mentally-unhealthy situation. To be policing oneself, policing ones thoughts, and at times, feelings, …
My cat inspires me. Atticus. He inspires me because he’s getting older and what he does differently, because of that, is rest more. When he’s tired, he lies down. When he wants to snuggle, he jumps up next to you, and sits on top of you. When he’s hungry, he goes to his food bowl. He isn’t interested in politics, he doesn’t care who is fighting with whom, he just knows that he loves everyone around him, and also would like some adoration. He has healthy self-esteem. He doesn’t hold …
I don’t know about you, but I keep finding new ways to feel exhausted. It’s almost a game. How many ways can one feel exhausted? On the other hand, I’m also finding new ways to feel alive. Things like noticing that the neighbors have cool blankets on their porch. Hearing the variety of dog barks around the house. Folding clothes and getting some new ones for the kids for school that they are simply delighted by. Eating has been a source of stress and joy. I’ve made some meals recently …
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 38. Can you believe that? Can I believe that? The correct answer is no, however yes, I can absolutely believe that, and I’m pretty sure everyone else who knows me can believe that, because my vibes have switched. At least, I think they have switched. Am I jaded? No. What am I? I AM IN MY LATE 30s. This is late 30s, yall. This is it. Every single one of my cells also screams that. Do I make this awkward? Is it already …
