experiment

ok.

Hi! I am planning an experiment.

The experiment is this: for me to make a weekly post that has the purpose of 1) centering me on positive things and 2) connecting us, while hopefully 3) providing respite from **the horrors that persist**, especially the political horrors that persist.

I have considered re-naming my blog a few times; “Catharine’s Blog” has come to mind. I don’t know. I might still rename it someday. I want to see what will happen if I sort of lean in harder to the name, because I do like it; I just get performance anxiety around it 😵‍💫. And… I guess I cringe a huge amount when I think of “performing” and… the monstrosity that is … well. The monstrosity that is the vibes emanating from all social media if I’m honest. The vibes emanating from all social media are what I’m attempting to avoid, in myself. I do still occasionally post, but Twitter is the only social I actually love (and Bluesky is right along with it because it’s where many friends are….they just need polls!).. but the reason I love Twitter is the lack of performance pressure that goes with it, and even is necessary at some level in order to use it… am I making any sense?

Anyway.

I want to protect my blog, and my mind and energies, from creating in any way that doesn’t feel authentic and free, or that makes me feel like I’m “attempting to compete.” It’s one of the reasons I’ve withdrawn lately from most socials (at least much of the time), in order to find a zone that feels like “mine,” that isn’t going to contribute to.. well. Bad things (ie owners who support and do bad things). Of course the rub is that that’s where many of my friends are, so there’s a balance.

I think that what I’m saying is that for what I want to create, I want it to be protected, at some level. I want to protect it as a way to connect with other people and share my life/ thoughts, etc, in a way that maintains a groundedness and connection to me, and doesn’t “take off from reality” and become … a “fake competitor,” vying for attention. Do you know what I mean?? I want to get back to MySpace. I want to get back to “this is my blog, what is your blog? let’s all follow each others’ blogs.” Or at least that energy, in terms of what I share about myself, because I want to limit the commodification of my own writing and creativity (especially by social media companies). I don’t want it to ever be seen as that, perhaps most importantly, by myself (unless it’s like, you know. A book. An obvious commodity).

I don’t know if this makes sense.

Sorry, this was probably way too much information and I shouldn’t be writing about it but. Well. Now you know what’s in my head.

Sometimes I think about starting a Substack. Lots of people are on Substack. Substack is great, if it’s what you like, and that’s awesome. It bothers me to consider starting a Substack because I know exactly what will happen if I do… I’ll start to compete. I’ll start to try to “reach people.” I’ll be something people scroll past, or scroll to. I’ll be “in the sea.”

I don’t know.

Anyway. To friends/ family/ new friends/ anyone who happens to land here: thanks for being here. My reason for blogging isn’t a business (it isn’t a business- it’s an expensive hobby). I’m hoping to connect with people. That’s why I’m writing. That’s the entire reason. (I know old-school commenting is obnoxious but.. if you want to it will make me grin with glee if you ever leave the tiniest comment. There is also a little heart you can click if you want to have a quicker anonymous interaction. It lets me know someone is reading, since I haven’t figured out how to get analytics to work lol.)

Anyway, thanks for listening to my spiel. Hope you have a good day. And I’ll be starting to make a weekly post on Wednesday afternoons that is hoped to be just… not doom and gloom. Things I’ve found interesting… could include some reflections.. but things that are positive. Maybe some music, maybe some affirmations. And I’ll see how that is feeling. I need it as much as anything, honestly, and maybe it will be something to know is coming.

♥️